Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Mommy Juice

Yesterday I ran to the grocery store with J, after work. I just needed a few items, including some wine. We enter the wine isle and J starts shouting "Look, look! Mommy juice! They have your mommy juice!" EVERYONE in the isle is staring at me laughing... cool. Drinking problem much?

So about a month ago a friend of mine emailed me this article on the rise of child trafficking, right here in West Michigan. I was shocked, to say the least. You don't necessarily associate West Michigan with child sex trafficking. Here's the link to the article she sent (if you are interested):


Anyway, this article really hit home with me.  I just cannot fathom this happening to my children. I contacted the one of the organizations listed on there, The Hope Project and offered my graphic services. We've been emailing back and forth and I was actually able to speak to one of the Directors on the phone yesterday. It sounds like an amazing organization and I am happy to say I am going to be doing some volunteer work with them. I don't have a lot of free time on my hands, with a pilot-husband, but this is something I can do out of my home. I can hop on the computer after my kids go to bed and help them with their design work and getting their name out there. I'm kinda of excited about it.

It's a scary day and age to raise children. With human trafficking, school shootings, bullying at an all time high. I want to keep my kids in a bubble and never let them out of my sight...

Anyway, on a happier note I did much better in my eating yesterday. I did eat a Cadbury Egg though. They are seriously the devil, all wrapped up in chocolate and cream. I loooooooooooove them. Someone had one at work and offered it to me. Should I have said no? Hell yeah, but I didn't. But they are only 150 calories for one. Which isn't too bad for the yummy taste.


Food Log: 2/28/12:
protein shake

2 mini peppermint patties

Egg whites mixed with spinach and turkey sausage

Sauteed shrimp mixed with black olives and reduced fat feta cheese

Monday, February 27, 2012

Butt Officially Kicked

I had sort of a bad eating week, last week. I just made poor choices, start to finish. I'm not sure if it's because I had junk food last Sunday and it spiraled from there, or what. But I just had insatiable hunger all week and nothing seemed to satisfy me. Anyway, I carbed out all week and it wasn't pretty.

But I confessed to my trainer yesterday how bad I had been and asked her to kick my butt.... which she SO did. She had me doing intervals on the treadmill. If you've read my previous posts, you know I LOVE intervals. She had me start with running for 45 seconds and then walking for 30 seconds and so forth... total piece of cake. But then she had me put the treadmill on a 10 incline and continue with the running for 45 seconds. Holy crap, that was hard. I've never really ran on such a steep incline before. Butt was officially kicked.

Today is a new week and having confessed to my trainer, and now you, on my crap eating last week, I am ready to start fresh. I've been slacking on logging my food in over at www.myfitnesspal.com so I'm back to that. Even though I track my food on here, I'm not tracking portions, calories and carbs. And this is definitely needed for me. I can pack a lot of food in.

I also got my butt up this morning and got on my spinning bike before work. No hitting snooze for me! Though I slept for crap. When I have to get up super early, I have a tendency to stare at the clock all night. So 4am I was up, 5am, 5:30am... all staring at the clock. So I'm exhausted right now. Oh well.

Had a very nice weekend. Husband came home from his trip a day early (Friday) so it was nice having us both home all weekend with the kids. We played in the snow, built a snowman and went sledding. Good times.

Last night I was putting J to bed:

Me:  "Do you know you are my favorite little boy in the whole world?"
J: "Mommy, I am not a little boy!"
Me: "Well, what are you then?"
J: Mommy, I'm J (middle name) (last name) from Grand Rapids!"

Well, it's a good thing he knows exactly who he is...

Ok, here's a to a healthy eating week!


Food Log 2/27/12:
Breakfast: Protein Shake

1 Cadbury Egg (the root of all evil!)

2 Turkey Burgers with cheese. No bread.
Turkey pepperoni with a cheese stick
2 mini peppermint patties


Workout: Spinning

Friday, February 24, 2012

10 Friday Thoughts

1. I'm thinking of pulling J out of daycare in the Fall and enrolling him into preschool at the local elementary school. I would have to quit my job though, since his school is only 3  half days a week.

2. This freaks me out because I just don't know if I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. But I know it's not about me, it's about what is best for my kids. And I'm just not happy with the lack of structure in the older kids classrooms at my current daycare.

3. Favorite new blog: www.fitbottomedgirls.com

4. I totally want to get bangs like this:
but I am scared to. Especially because I have a weird cow-lick, and bangs don't usually work on me.

5. I cannot comprehend why someone would oppose gay marriage. No H8 people.

6. Since keeping a food jouirnal on this site, I've been slacking at logging it in over at www.myfitness.pal.com which is bad. Because I don't track calories or carbs on this site and I NEED to.

7. I am utterly amazed at the power that Elmo has over my kids.

8. I just shoveled like a foot of heavy, wet snow. I'm not sure if I've ever sweated that much shoveling in my life.

9. That SO counts as my workout today.

10. Being that we are snowed-in today, I blew up an entire bag of balloons for my kids to play with... I seriously almost passed out.

Have a great weekend!

Food Log 2/25/12:
egg whites and turkey sausage

Cheese quesadilla with tomato and black olives, on whole grain, low carb tortillas

Shoveling my ass off :)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Purple Leotard

So I click on the webcam to my daycare to check on the kids. J is sitting at the table, eating breakfast, wearing a purple leotard over his clothes... not quite sure what to think of that. Here's the screenshot:

Had a great time with my friend yesterday. We ended up getting pizza for dinner, so that part wasn't so great. After the eating spectacle on Sunday, I really didn't need to eat any more crap. My stomach is all messed up today from it too. It's amazing how once you get healthy, your stomach gets used to it and doesn't like crap anymore.

We're supposed to get 6 inches of snow tonight **sigh**. So much for going running when husband gets home this weekend.


Food Log 2/23/12:
Protein Shake

3 mini peppermint patties

Weight Watchers frozen meal, Slow Roasted Turkey with Potatoes
Turkey pepperoni & cheese

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Chocolate Milk Bribe

It's been a crazy busy day so far. Husband is out town **shock** so the kiddos and I have been running around all day. We went to our usual Wednesday play group at the local elementary school this morning. Then we hit the grocery store and finally, back home. I threw some lunch together for the kids and put them down for a nap. Then ran around like a mad woman, cleaning my  house because I have a friend coming over later. I also managed to squeeze in a quick, 30 Day Shred workout. WHEW!

It's 1:52pm and all I've had all day to eat is a protein shake. STARVING!

I'm excited to see my friend though. She was the Editor and I was the Art Director at a magazine we used to work at together... ahhhh the pre-kid days, where I actually had a powerful, high paying job. She's got a little boy now and is pregnant with #2. I've bribed J with chocolate milk for dinner if he is nice and shares his toys. We still have issues with this when children come over sometimes. I am so not above bribing my children with food... so suck it "super moms" who scoff at me :)

Ok, no time to rest, need to make some lunch and hop in the shower... busy busy busy


Food Log 2/22/12:
Breakfast: protein shake

Lunch: cheese quesadilla with black olives and salsa

Dinner: pizza, wine

30 Day Shred

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

New Look

Well instead of working today (I'm sure my employer is happy with their choice to hire me), I decided to revamp our blog. That's the problem with being a Graphic Designer, you constantly want to change looks, colors, etc., just because you can.

Anyway, I thought we would go for a more organic and simple look. Thoughts?


Early Morning Workouts.... Why I Love and Hate You

For the past 2 mornings, I've rolled over and hit snooze, when my alarm has gone off for my early morning workout. TWO mornings in a row. WTF? This is the first time I've done this. And it needs to stop, now! There are so many great things about working out before work. But there are also so many sucky things, it's become a love/hate relationship with me.

Hate: The sound of my alarm when it goes off at 6am

Love: Getting my workout over 1st thing in the morning

Hate: Waking up when it's still pitch dark out

Love: I'm amazed at how fast I wake up when I start going

Hate: It's sooooooooooooooo cold when I first get up and put my workout clothes on

Love: The quietness of my house at that time of day

Hate: Having to be so damned quiet because I'm afraid of waking J up. His bedroom is right across from the steps to the basement door and being the early bird that he is, it takes next to nothing to wake him up

Love: The feeling after my workout is done. I feel strong and accomplished

Hate: How unbelievably hungry I am ALL day long

Love: The feeling of my legs shaking, as I walk up the HUGE staircase to get to my desk at work

Hate: How much coffee I need once I "cool" down around 10am

Love: That when I get home from work, I can spend the time playing with my kids and not thinking about what time I can get them to go to sleep so I can squeeze a workout in

Hate: That I have to go to bed pretty early, so that I can get up again the next day and have the energy to workout


Food Log 2/21/12:
Protein Shake

Turkey Pepperoni & Cheese

Weight Watchers Frozen Meal- Slow Roasted Turkey Breast With Gravy and Mashed Potatoes
(I normally try to stay away from these but I just didn't have time to prepare lunch for myself today)


NONE because I hit snooze!!

A Contest Fit For All

Well, here I am again - 10 lbs up.  Awesomness.I will now start doing V's food and workout log as she swears I will will be better for it.  I will also mirror V's contest with her husband. My husband popped on the scale today and openly told me a) the scale is a liar and b) he would be buying a new one this weekend and throwing this one out.  Hey man, I'm cool with that - good to know hes come to the crazy side of things with me.
I was at a dinner party this past weekend and the person I was sitting next to is a surgeon who was chatting me up about my knees.  He gave me all kinds of great advice and then we got to my weight, he told me each pound over I am accounts for 8lbs of unnecessary pressure on my knees.  That would be 80 right now for me, again - awesomness.  He also told me running is tough on them and to watch the Zumba.  DAMN IT, I don't need another excuse but I shall continue on. He also made a comment that still has me reeling, he said - you know as I got close to and hit 40 things completely changed with my body.  I cannot stop thinking about that.  I am going to be 37 in June, is that what is happening to me? I think it could be part of it, my body is changing and getting older - I don't "feel" like I'm getting older but alas, I am.  My initial gut reaction is to be depressed about it, instead I will be positive and say thank goodness I am still alive to deal with this and I will embrace getting healthy and dealing with these changes with a smile.  I  too will overcome this challenge.

Food Log 2/21/12:
Breakfast - Yogurt & Coffee
Lunch - Light Progresso Vegetable Soup/Diet Coke

Monday, February 20, 2012

What the #@*& Just Happened?!?!

Seriously. I went from on track and doing great to just fat.  I woke up yesterday and I'm not sure if I'm around that time but I ate enough (like you V) to feed a small country (not even village) including homemade mac and cheese.  I mean really....
The good news is that as a surprise for E and I, for our birthday's, I've hired a yoga instructor to come to our home for personal practice.  It started yesterday so I'm feeling very Zen and mentally ready to get back on track.  I think I got cocky again when I lost that initial 5 lbs and here I am back up 6. 
Thanks food, you are super cool.  What is WRONG with me and WHY can't I control this!
-A Super Pissed Off A

Small Village... Fed!

Well I ate enough yesterday to feed a small village... yeah.. no food issues here.

I had a total V day yesterday. I've been home nonstop with the kids for 2 weeks now, with husband traveling a ton. So I decided to pretty much get out of the house yesterday and have a "me" day.

First I had my personal training session at 10:30am. She kicked my a##! Like I cannot even bend over right now, my abs are so sore. So the day started out right.

But then we went to Noodles & Co. for lunch. And I had a HUGE bowl of pesto pasta with shrimp. Holy crap, do you KNOW how long it's been since I had white pasta? Forever and a day and it was so yummy, I do not even feel guilty about it. It rocked my world (again, no food issues here). Want to know the sad thing? When I used to work over in that area, I'd go to Noodles & Co. several times a week and get that exact meal for lunch... ugh! And I wonder why I gained so much weight.

Anyhoo, then we went and saw Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. AWESOME movie! I had a popcorn as big as my head with butter (oh, just wait, it gets even better). Though I didn't have the entire popcorn, I had about 3/4 of it and only stopped because I was literally going to puke if I had anymore.

THEN, after the movie we went to Culvers and I had a blizzard (chocolate ice cream with peanut butter cups, in case you are wondering) . Yeah, you thought I was kidding when I said I had enough food to feed a small village, didn't you? Nope... totally did.

It was a fun day. I had some 'me' time, ate some grubby food which I haven't had in ages. But I definitely felt it last night. My stomach was just yuck and I was very sluggish. I don't miss feeling that way. I don't miss the food guilt and feeling so tired, and not having any energy. So while it wasn't great that I consumed that much food, it's a nice reminder when I'm starving today, as to why I am doing this. Why I am changing my lifestyle to be a healthier me.

I am 2lbs away from my first goal weight. Whoot! (though after yesterday, maybe not). When losing weight I always do it in 10lb increments. My first goal is to get back into the 80's. Then it will be the 70's, and then finally the 60's. So I am 2lbs away from the 80's. I haven't been in the 80's since after I had J, so I'm VERY ready to be back in that bracket again and to have my first goal completed.

A neighbor of mine, her husband has colon cancer. They are getting a group of people together on March 17th for the Irish Jig 5K run, in his honor. So I'm all signed up. This will be a good prelude to the River Bank 10K Run in May and then my sprint triathalon in July. AND it's for a great cause. So I need to get my butt outside and running. While I could do the 5K right now, I'm pretty slow, so I'd like to speed it up a bit.

Husband leaves tomorrow and doesn't return until Saturday. So it's gonna be a looooong week. I am going to try and squeeze in many workouts as I can. Even if it's just my 20 minute, 30 Day Shred.

Here's to a great week and getting closer to my 1st weight goal. Only 2 more pounds, I can DO this!


PS: Happy 15 month birthday to my darling little girl, S.

Food Log 2/20/12:
Protein Shake

5 mini peppermint patties (need... to... stop)
4 pieces of cheese
J's Fruit Snacks

Egg whites, mixed with spinach and turkey sausage

Italian Soup

None, hit that damned snooze button

Friday, February 17, 2012

Just Call Me 'Selfish Spice'

I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy. I've been home/traveling with my kids for pretty much 2 weeks straight now. I worked only one day last week and one day this week. I really cannot wait to go back to my normal 3-day work week schedule. I'm just not cut out to be a stay-at-home-mom. I bow down to the moms who can, you are truly selfless people. Me? Not so much  :)  j/k.   I know I am really lucky to have the best of both worlds by working part time. I get out of the house, but still have tons of time at home with my kids. It really works for me and makes me a better mom.

I was able to get a in a 3 mile run in this morning before husband had to fly. So that felt good. I haven't run in about a month so it was much needed. I started off very strong, but the last mile was rough. I am going to be running the 10K in the Grand Rapids River Bank Run in May, so I need to start gearing up for that. I usually only run about 3 miles, so I need to step it up and soon.

Going to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo this weekend. I finished the book on Wednesday. It was really, really good. Like I said in an earlier post, if you can get past the first 100 pages (or 2 disks) it rocks!! I'm very excited to see the movie. Turning down the sinfully smelling, buttery popcorn might be a bit harder... .grrrrrr. Why does everything have to revert back to food with me?

Ok, kids are napping so I need to be productive, have a great weekend!


Food Log 2/17/12:
Eggs with spinach, mozz cheese and turkey sausage

J's Sweethearts candies (I need to throw this V Day sh*t out!)

Cheese Quesadilla on whole wheat tortilla, black olives and salsa

Love This!

My fat must be really sad, because damn, I sweat a lot when I workout....


Thursday, February 16, 2012


So poor little S was up all night crying... she's got ANOTHER ear infection. I had to take another day off to take her to the doctor today, only for them to confirm what I already knew... the dreaded ear infection. I was very spoiled with J who got maybe one ear infection a year. But S gets them EVERY time she has a cold... and because of the joys of daycare, she seems to get a cold once a month. So, I am home again today. Between vacation, the scabies outbreak at daycare and sick children, I've worked a total of 2 days in the past 2 weeks. I am so going to get fired...

I think I am going to have to add chocolate to my Red Foods list, that I am not allowed to eat when I'm alone. J has a bag of M&M's that we keep in the house for when he goes poo on the potty (I am so not above bribing my children with candy) and I've found myself getting into his stash lately. So now all chocolate is on the Red List.... frickin chocolate.

Speaking of the word 'frickin.' Last night before bed J comes upstairs and says to me "my frickin car won't work!" Is there nothing left I can say?????

So now that I've been keeping a food log on here, I can see that I really eat the same 5 or 6 meals over and over and over again. I'm weird like that. Even when I'm not eating healthy, I've always done that. I'll eat the heck out of something for a month or 2, then move onto something, and eat that every day.

That being said, when I am eating healthy, it's pretty easy to track what I'm eating (the calories and carbs) since I know the stats by heart. But I know I need to branch out a bit.

Finally have a personal training session this weekend after a 3 week break. I NEED this!


Food Log 2/16/12:
Protein Bar

Protein Shake
J's candy hearts he got at school for V Day

Quesadilla on whole wheat tortilla with black olives and salsa

2 of J and S's left over chicken nuggets

Thank You Mexico and B's Birthday

As I feel its necessary to always assign blame to my random "fall off the diet wagon" situations I will give credit this time to my recent wine infused trip to Mexico and my son's 4th birthday. I have indulged beyond believe on both and its silliness. 
Mexico was wonderful, was a great time and E and I got to totally unwind and we needed it badly.  Happy to be home but miss the beautiful weather and water desperately.
B's birthday was on Valentines Day and E's mom and dad were here so it was extra nice.  I helped myself to his extra large cupcake and peitit fours (note the plural).  The sad part is that his birthday party is this Saturday @ a cooking school and I know I will over-indulge there too.  COME ON. 
Anywhoo - paying the piper is never fun but but alas here I am again, paying my dues and blaming everyone but me.  Off to Zumba tonight with my friend G. and back on the calorie watching wagon.
Wish me luck and strength my web-friends.  The road to skinny is never easy and I continue to live the dream.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I'm an Idiot

So I was walking around work all day, practically holding up my pants, they were so loose on me. I kept saying to myself, "I cannot BELIEVE how much weight I've lost, my pants will literally not stay up!" All excited, thinking I was sooooo skinny.

Yeah... when I went to the restroom a bit later, I realized that I hadn't buttoned up my pants all the way... so that's why they are so big on me.... DOH


Food Log 2/15/12:
Protein Shake

1 mini peppermint patty
M&M's (which are now on my banned, Red Foods List)

Venison Meatballs with 1/4 cup whole wheat pasta. Marinara Sauce

Shrimp sauteed in garlic, lemon juice, splash of half & half. Mixed with black olives and reduced fat feta cheese.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

High's & Low's of the Florida Trip


- Kids were SO excited to see their grandparents

- Got TONS and TONS of exercise

- I think I actually lost weight on this vacation.... that is a vacation first for me

- I have actual tan lines from playing tennis

- The kids loved the pools, especially the kiddie pool. It was adorable

- My mother-in-law served wine for lunch (that is a woman after my own heart)

- After said wine, I still went to the pool and swam 1/4 mile in laps in the indoor pool

- The plane ride home was a breeze, the kids were really well behaved

- They had a huge bounce pillow at the resort, it was SO fun. I was actually sore the next day from bouncing so much

- This place had 3 hot tubs... ahhhhhhhhh

- When I had to take off my belt at the security check point, my pants almost fell off they are so big on me now.

- Husband and I went to the bar one night at the resort and got pretty sh*t-faced. We biked back to the 5th Wheel and I swear I almost bit it, several times. Had a blast though. I can't remember the last time I got to go to the bar with my husband.

The Low's:

- Was VERY hung over from night at the bar

- The plane ride out there was a disaster. Both kids were over tired from getting up at 5:30am. S was a total spaz on the plane, not understanding why she couldn't get up and walk around.

- I charged our portable dvd player for the plane ride, but didn't realize it was "on" so it never charged... our kids were PISSED

- One of the days we were there, Florida got a HUGE cold front and it was only 56 degrees....  brrrrr

- Not a lot of sleep when you are sleeping in the same room as everyone

- J and S both fell multiple times and scraped up both their knees

- I almost got attacked by a dog. Scared the living daylights out of me... and I love dogs


Food log 2/14/12:

Protein Shake

Cheese quesadilla on whole wheat torillas, with black olives and salsa.

Cupcake and wine... thanks to husband's Valentine's Day gift

Laundry Hell

We got back from Florida late last night.  Had a wonderful trip all in all. I will explain all the goods, bads and of course the ugly's in a bit. Just wanted to say we were alive and well. I'm home with my kids today, so when they go down for a nap, I'll be back.

For now... I'm in laundry hell


Saturday, February 11, 2012

En Espanol

Well, I'm in Mexico and I cannot even pretend that I've been eating good...at all.  Breakfast may be my only saving grace but Pina Colodas, Margaritas and snacks all day have been my reality.  E has played tennis, golf and been all kind of physical while I've sat at the beach and relaxed - must admit its been SO NICE to just "b" for a bit.  I am ready for home, we leave at like 7a tomorrow morning and that means we are up and out around 5a - that also means I should try and stay sober today and this evening...note to self "trying is the first step".  Everything is in Spanish and though I cannot speak only very little I am navigating this site pretty well.  Proud of myself.
Also, disturbing but I had an AWFUL dream last night that "b" was kidnapped - I woke up at like 6a totally freaking out and didn't want to tell E because I didn't want to upset him too.  I hate when dreams feel so real that you cannot shake them, probably also why I'm a little ready to be home as silly as that sounds.
OK, A OUT - must get back to the beach and that amazing blue water - ahhhhhhhh.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

30 Day Shred - Week 1

Well I did 30 Day Shred, 3 times this week. I already notice some more definition in my arms. So periodically, I will post a lovely armpit shot, so you can see the progress. But I'm loving the workout so far. I did level 3 today and seriously almost died. They have these plies jumps... holy cow, I could only do a couple. (And yes, I know what you are thinking. I truly am that flat chested after nursing 2 children...)

I leave for Florida tomorrow. PLEASE send positive thoughts my way because I am a bit scared my kids are going to have a freak out on the plane and then we'll be "those" people whom I've rolled my eyes at so many times in the past, before I had kids. Man if that isn't karma, I don't know what is.

I'll try to post in Florida, if I get the chance. I'm really hoping to take advantage of the workout facility there, and 2 grandparents who would be more than happy to babysit. I plan on doing laps everyday, since I don't have access too a pool here and that sprint triathlon is getting closer and closer. My plan is to run the mile to the gym, swim 1/2 mile, then run the mile back to the 5th Wheel.


Food Log 2/8/12:

Protein Shake

1/2 of J's grilled cheese (bad, bad V!)

1 1/2 turkey burgers, no bun (hey, I'm going to be in a bathing suit the next few days)

Wine (bad, bad, bad V!)

30 Day Shred - Level 3

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

8-Legged Little Bastards....

So I'm packing for Florida today (we leave on Friday) and I tried on a pair of capri jeans that I haven't fit into for about 2 years. And they fit! Whooo! I mean, they are a tad tight, but they fit! I've been doing walking lunges and squats around the house like crazy to stretch them out so I can wear them there. So yay me, I feel good!

On an even shittier better note, J's daycare called and said someone in his classroom has been diagnosed with Scabies. Pretty frickin cool, right? I mean it's not like we leave for vacation in 2 days or anything. Sooooo, I'm going to keep both J and S home from school tomorrow and pray those disgusting little (8-legged... I looked it up on Web MD) mites don't get to my kids. GROSSSSSSSSSSSS!


Food Log 2/8/12:

Protein bar

Cheese quesadilla on whole wheat tortilla, with tomatoes and black olives

2 of J's chicken tenders (bad V!)
Shrimp, black olives, artichoke hearts, tomato, reduced fat feta

4 mini peppermint patties
2 Glasses of white wine

None... too busy packing for FL. Boo!

Leavin...On A Jet Plane

On the flight to Mexico and I cannot quit working - why can't I let it go?  Oh well, no choice once we leave the US and I dont have connection....@ least until I get to the hotel.
Eating today has been super great and I even avoided my urge to grab a McDonalds McMuffin at the airport.  Yeah me....it really is the little things.
Sunday E put on his pants, they were tight.  Sadly, it made me happy - hes always been super fit and in great shape and now he has a little belly.  What a jerk I am for being happy, but its true.  I will help him get fit again because we are better when we are both healthy together. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Random Facts About A...

Because I'm not original I need to copy V.  Just thought that was a cool idea - so here is a little about me too.

-For as outgoing as I appear, I'm always afraid people hate me and are simply tolerating me.

-No matter the situation, skinny, slightly chubby, full on fat or normal - I always think I'm fat.  WHY IS THAT.  Thanks society, you rock.

-It's true, you never know how much your parents love you until you have a child of your own.

-I have a single parent, my dad was murdered one month before I was born.  As a result (I'm sure) my mother is an alcoholic and my childhood was eventful to say the least.  I will attribute my eating habits to this as it was about the only thing that I could control.

-I lost over 65 lbs after B was born.  LAWD I was heavy.

-When someone asks me how tall I am without fault I say every time 5' 1 1/2".  Why the 1/2?  Why not just 5' 2".

-I LOVE to read, I can get lost in a book in 5 min and not pick my head up for hours.  This is extremely hard with B and I miss reading more than you can imagine.  One day...

-I will try just about anything once, I don't fear too many things - V you can attest to that since we've tried a few too many together!

-Hands down, V is the one person I've taken the most risks with.  MAN did we have fun in our 20's...thank goodness we are even alive to do this post (oh, and your car accident too :) ).

-B is now playing with the stuffed puppy "ruffy dog" that I grew up with.  He loves it.  It both warms my heart and annoys me - I feel like hes going to destroy him and the only child in me gets uber protective and wants to steal it from him.  Thank G-d for anonymity on the web, what a sh*t-bag parenting thing to think!

-Speaking of, I will share anything and everything I have - then I want it right back.

That's it for today...

Random Facts About V...

  • I was a child model for Ford Models in New York City. I grew up in Stamford, CT (about 30 min's from NYC). I paid for my entire college tuition from the money I made while modeling as a child. I even was in an Oscar de la Renta fashion show and had my photo taken with him, which they published on the front page of the New York Times style section. (ah, if he could see me now....)

  • I have lived all over the country. I was born in New York, and then lived in Delaware, Connecticut, Arizona and Michigan. No, I wasn't a military brat, my dad just moved a lot for his job.

  • My sister was severely anorexic, back when we were in college (I'm talking 5ft 10, 85lbs). The way I dealt with this was to eat everything in sight. It was the first time I got heavy. I'd been relatively thin up until that point. And I've struggled with my weight ever since.
  • I'm very shy from having to change schools so much as a child. I struggle every time I go into a new situation (new job, new playgroup, etc.). I have to make myself talk to other people. Some might laugh at this statement from me, (looking at you A!) since I'm SO loud once you get to know me.

  • I use parenthesis wayyyyyy too much in my posts.

  • I have mad Photoshop skills and I Photoshop the hell out of me in all the photos I post to facebook. I look at least 10lbs lighter in them.

  • My mother has Multiple Sclerosis. She was diagnosed when I was only 13 years old. She's been in a motorized wheel chair since I was about 20 years old.

  • I sometimes wonder if the reason why I'm so messed up about food, is from modeling as a child. Not that anyone ever told me to lose weight (I was a super skinny kid) but just the constant rejection that you get in the modeling world, at any age.

  • When I was 18, I was riding in the backseat of my friend's Jeep. We were driving about 75mph on the highway to get to the airport to catch my flight back home to Michigan (I was visiting with friends in Arizona). The driver went to switch the radio station and veered off the road a bit. Trying to get back on the road, she over corrected and lost control of the car. Our Jeep flipped over and over several times, rolling out into the desert. I did not have my seatbelt on (STUPID) and I was thrown from the car. I woke up, on the ground, laying in the broken-off roof of the car, with random people standing over me. I had to get over 50 stictches in my left leg from all the desert rocks and stuff. I broke my left collar bone and sprained my left ankle. But, hot damn, I am lucky to be alive!

    • I despise Valentine's Day. I think any holiday that makes you feel bad about yourself if you are single, is a lousy one. And even though I have a wonderful husband now, I still can't stand the "Hallmark Holiday." 

    •  I actually went to college to be a news anchor woman. But my first and only job offer was for a job in Marquette, Michigan for only $13,000 a year. Shortly after, I changed my mind and went back to school to be a graphic designer.

    • 'A' and I once passed out (drunk) waiting for our train at Penn Station in New York City... how we didn't get mugged, or worse, is beyond me. We definitely have an angel looking out for us.


    Food Log 2/7/12:

    Protein Shake

    Egg whites mixed with spinach and turkey sausage
    Strawberry Greek Yogurt

    Cheese Stick
    1 mini peppermint pattie

    30 Day Shred - Level 2

      Monday, February 6, 2012


      I ordered Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred last week. Amazon had it for only $6 and my sister has the premium account, that you don't have to pay for shipping, so it was a win/win for me. I have been hearing soooooo much lately about what an awesome workout it is. It's got 3 levels AND its only 20 minutes. Which, on a lot of days, is about all I have. And if I do happen to have more time, I can do 2 of the workouts in a row (a lot of my friends will do level 1 and 2 back to back). Anyway, so I tried it out, before work this morning. HOLY COW. That is a hard workout and I was only on level 1. It combines weight training with cardio, which truly is the best way to lose weight, and get that toned look. So I loved it! I definitely think I'm already ready for level 2. I'm in enough shape that I can move up. And again, if I've got time I can easily see me doing Level 2 and then maybe Level 1 back to back. So I'm VERY happy with my purchase.

      I'm sitting here at work right now trying to eat my tuna fish... for breakfast. Yuck. My husband made it up for me this weekend (mixed with mustard) and I never got around to eating it. So here I am, 9am, and eating tuna fish. I've never been a big fan of tuna fish, but it's so good for you, high in protein, low in calories and carbs. The smell sicks me out though. And I usually breath through my mouth when I eat it so I can't smell it. But I don't want to waste it... ahhh, the life of V, always something....

      Had a great weekend up north. The only bust was our hike we did on Saturday. We do a lot of hiking with our kids. My husband and I both love to hike, and with little S in the backpack and J being old enough now to walk on his own, we usually have a pretty good time. J, definitely slows us down a bit, but hey, he's only 3. Anyway, we've never actually hiked in snow with the kids before.... yeah, not so fun. J kept tripping and falling over everything, because it's hard to see sticks and tree roots under the snow. Poor guy, I practically ripped his arm out of the socket, holding him up every time he almost fell. And S was grumpy because she wanted to walk, and not be in the hiker backpack. So by the time we got done, I was ready to shoot a shot of vodka, directly into my veins. Good times.

      We were invited to 2 Super Bowl parties this weekend. Two weeks ago our neighbors (directly next door) invited us to theirs. We don't know them really well... and to be honest, they are kind of like the nerd neighbors of the neighborhood. I know, I know, that's soooooo high school to say it like that. But it's true, they are a bit strange and I swear, they might be able to be on an episode of Hoarders. They have SO much crap. But my husband was all like "we need to be neighborly" bla bla, so I RSVP'd that we'd "stop by" but wouldn't be able to stay long since we were just going to be coming back from up north.

      Then on Friday, my newest friend Allison (the one with the HUGE house) invited us and my friend Jamie's family to her house for the Super Bowl. Now I'd 10 billion times rather have gone to her house, over our neighbors. But my husband let me know how rude it would have been to ditch the neighbors and go to our other friends. Especially since they invited us first. And yes, he is correct, it would have been rude (though I would have done it in a very polite way). But I really like my newest friend Allison and I think it's important to build friendships with people who have children the same age as yours. We've only lived in Grand Rapids for about 5 years now, and while we have lots of friends, we don't have a ton with children our kids ages. She, Jamie and I all have 2 kids each. We all have 3-year-old boys and then each one younger child between 6 months and 1. So I've been happy that we've been able to connect with a new family AND they are super fun and cool.

      But none-the-less, we went to the neighbors last night. And it was weird, because they are weird. They are nice people, but socially awkward. But I guess I'm glad we went, because we were the only people there besides one other couple. And of course my kids were total spaz's because they were over tired from being up north all weekend, so basically I spent the entire time chasing them around as they got into EVERYTHING. And I didn't even get to watch any of the commercials. We were home before halftime, if that tells you anything. Oh well, it was the not fun right thing to do.... I guess.

      We leave for Florida on Friday, so I've got ALOT going on this week with trying to pack and get everything ready. Of course my husband would be put on a 3-day trip, and doesn't return until Thursday night. And we have a 6am flight out on Friday morning. So it's pretty much all on my shoulders to get us ready for the trip. Super.


      Food Log 2/6/12:

      Tuna mixed with mustard and black olives (YUCK!)

      2 mini peppermint patties

      Egg whites with spinach and turkey sausage

      Shrimp, sauteed in TONS of garlic, extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice. Added, black olives, artichoke hearts and reduced fat feta cheese.... mmmmmmm. My new fav low cal/low carb dinner.

      30 Day Shred - Level 1

      Friday, February 3, 2012

      Serenity Now....

      And I mean that literally. We came up north today to the lake house my husband's parents live at in the summer (they live in Florida in the winters). It's so pretty and peaceful up here. It's fun to just sit and watch all the ice fishermen and wild life. Both kids are down for a nap and husband is off trying to get his snowmobile started... peace and quiet.

      Hoping to get a run in, when he gets back.

      I had a great time at the Denim Party I went to last night. I didn't end up buying any jeans. They were definitely "junior" type fitting jeans. And they were either skin tight on me or so big I could pull them off without even unzipping. But I was ok with not buying any. I really don't want or need to get jeans right now. I don't plan on being this size for long. But I had fun seeing my friends and drinking one two glasses of wine while I was there.

      Have a great weekend!


      Food Log 2/3/12:

      Protein Bar

      -Protein Shake
      -2 pieces of cheese
      -2 whole grain crackers
      -2 Choc Chip cookies (damn you mother-in-law for having these in your house!)

      Grilled cheese on whole grain bread

      (suppose to have) Chicken Tacos
      Big fat glass of wine

      Hoping to get a run in, but it depends on what time husband comes back

      Thursday, February 2, 2012

      ( hungry )

      So I picked up this book called Hungry by Allen Zadoff, months and months ago somewhere. I can’t even remember where, but at the time it just sounded interesting to me. It was just a little memoir written by a man who lost about 100lbs and has kept it off for about 10 years now. It seemed like his struggles were similar to mine, where he just lost control when it came to certain foods. Anyway, so as I was at my doctor’s appointment and then my hair appointment yesterday I got about ¾ of it read. And he’s got some interesting stuff to say. By no means is this a “diet” book. And he stresses numerous times that this was something that worked for him and he was not suggesting for other people to try it.

      Anyway, he mapped out his food patterns similar to a traffic light. He had food put into 3 categories. Red, Yellow and Green.

      The Red foods were any food that caused a sort of “trigger” in him where once he started eating it, he found it nearly impossible to stop. Boy, could I relate to this. Um.. hello pizza!

      Then he had the Yellow category. These were foods that sometimes caused the Red Food reaction, but not always. He could keep it in control most of the time.

      Then the Green category were all the foods he had no problems with at all.

      Also in the Red category, was not just his trigger foods, but his trigger places. Like for him it was eating in the car.

      So as I was sitting around waiting for my doctor to come in, I got out my pen and made my list. Red. Oh, silly little Red foods. How I love and hate you at the same time. Obviously pizza and tortilla chips were on the top of that list. I also added any and all fast food. I am aware that they have healthy fast food, but I am not sure I’ve ever actually chosen that when I’ve gone. As far as my trigger places, it was basically all those foods listed above, but eating them while I'm alone. I can have a piece of pizza when I’m around other people and not over eat. But if I’m alone? I’ll eat the whole damned pizza. So 'Eating Alone' was on that Red list. Late night eating, was also on my Red list.

      Yellow list was more of pasta’s, cheese, baked goods like cake, brownies, cookies. Any chocolate. I’m sort of half and half on these. Sometimes I’m ok with them, sometimes not.

      I won’t list my Green foods, because I think you can guess what they are.

      So after I did this, I continued reading. He basically put it like this. An alcoholic will abstain from any triggers that would cause him/her to drink. Going to a bar, being at a party, etc. Well, he has put the foods on his Red list, on a banned list of foods. Since he cannot control his actions once he gets a taste of it in his mouth, he’s got to do without it. He then makes up his daily meals with foods on his Green and Yellow lists. Obviously using just a few of the Yellows as to not get into trouble.

       I found this very interesting. I can relate sooooo much to his descriptions of his Red foods. I am the same way, through and through. The thought of banning something completely, scares me. I am afraid that it may cause a backlash of sorts. And the author was the first to say, he’s had setbacks throughout the years, as anyone would.

      So this is what I’m thinking. I think I should ban those Red foods too, when I’m alone. Since I don’t seem to have too much of a problem with them when I’m with people. So Red foods, GONE if I’m alone. And I’m alone a lot, since my husband is a pilot and travels a ton. But I think that this will be a scary fun experiment. I’d like to see if this helps with my binging. Because as always, I’m either great or binging. And that is just NOT healthy.

      Also, late night eating? Gone! I’ve gotten into a bad habit lately of doing this. Even if it’s healthy food, I don’t need to be eating at 9pm at night. So I think my cut-off will be 8:30pm (and that is only because sometimes I don’t even get a chance to eat dinner until then). But basically after dinner, no food for me. It’s not needed.

      One last thing. He also said that he sent a list of all the foods he ate during the course of a day, to his nutritionist. Every day. They didn’t discuss it or anything, but it was just something he did, no matter what. I do track my calories on MyFitness.Pal.com. But I cheat sometimes and don't always put that quick "handful" of M&M's I shoved into my mouth. So I think that I am going to start doing that too. I think that at the end of each post, I am going to write what I had that day (or the previous day, if it was a non-work/non-blog day). I don’t expect you to read this, I can only imagine how boring it would be to read every single thing I’ve put into my mouth. So I’ll put it wayyyyy at the end of my posts. But I like knowing it’s there and that maybe, someone will read it. I'll also throw my workout on there, just for good measure.

      So there you go. I thought this would be an scary fun thing to try. It’s still such a daily struggle for me with this food thing. And unfortunately, I think it always will be. But I’m just really trying to bring myself to a healthy place. As my kids get older I do not need them seeing and experiencing all my food issues. I don’t need S growing up seeing her mommy binge and starve herself. I want her to be healthy with her eating, so I’m going to try this.


      Foods I’ve eaten today:

      Protein Shake

      Weight Watchers Smart Ones Frozen Meal: Slow Roasted Turkey Breast w/Gravy
      1 cup cottage cheese

      Didn't have dinner b/c I went to a 'Denim Party'
      2 glasses of wine
      4 pieces of cheese
      1 mini peppermint patty

      Spinning - 30 minutes

      Bye Bye Hair

      Well I did it! I cut 5 inches off my hair!

      It was a bit scary seeing it all on the floor like that, but it feels sooooo much lighter. And it's still quite long, considering its 5 inches shorter. Here's my before photo. My hair is looking ROUGH in this photo, because I had just gone for a run, so I was all sweaty and gross and my hair had been in a ponytail.

      And here's the after!

      Hey Life. Gee, Thanks.

      Ever feel like life is just continuing to kick you in the face?  Like, life is personally laughing at you saying - "Ha, check this guys - let's see if she can take this one too!"...Thats how I'm feeling...right now.

      Wednesday, February 1, 2012

      Later 5 lbs!

      I cannot believe I am even typing this - I've been really good, I've not been SUPER GREAT but I've been really good - SO - yesterday when I put my pants on and they were not 2nd Skin I got kind of excited.  Fast Forward to today, I took a giant leap of faith and got on the scale - I'M DOWN 5 LBS!  HOLLA! 2 lbs to get to where I was in October and 5 to get to where I'm comfortable.  PLEASE G-D PLEASE let the trend continue...-a
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