Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Waiting For My 'Click'

I've been reading so many blogs about how people think having a food addiction is so hard because unlike smoking or drinking or whatever, you STILL have to eat. And I couldn't agree with that more. I'm not making light of smoking or drinking problems, I'm sure that are super hard to conquer. But I'm such an "on or off" type of person. When I quit smoking back in my 20's, while it was hard, I did it with really no problems. Because in my warped brain it was simple, I just didn't do it anymore. Same when I was pregnant, I just didn't drink. You either do or you don't. But with eating, it's like you have to deal with that addiction, not just every day, but MULTIPLE times a day. Every single time I put food into my mouth, it's a struggle for me to eat healthy. There is always that devil on my shoulder that wants me to put down the apple and eat a piece of pizza instead. It's really hard for me and I'm so sick of the constant struggle.

What makes it even more frustrating is that my sister and brother don't have these issues. Why am I the one who has to have it? My sister is soooooooooooo skinny. Granted she eats healthy 99.9% of the time. But why is it so easy for her to choose healthy? Even my husband is like that. He can have a pizza and a grilled chicken breast in front of him. And he'll choose the chicken breast because he knows it's better for him. Why don't I have this in me?

Let's even take A, for instance. The entire time we've been friends, we were always food buddies. And by that I mean we always either dieted together or were bad together. We always struggled with weight. But after she had her son, something clicked in her head and she just didn't do the yo yo dieting anymore. She just made healthy choices. Where's the 'click' in my head? Am I ever going to have the 'click?' I'm 37 years old, is it ever going to happen?

On a positive note, I worked out after my kids went to bed last night. That's pretty good for me, because I'm just not a night worker outer. I have 10 times more energy in the mornings, so that's why I enjoy doing it before work when I can. But I sucked it up and went down in our basement/gym last night with my husband and did the Total Gym. I'm going to be sooooooooore today, let me tell you. I also did my sit-ups. 180! There is only 2 weeks left of my 200-Sit-Up Challenge. Hard to believe. These next 2 weeks are going to be killer though.


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